


For Once I Want To Be Fought For

by BrenIsntHome (NicoGreyjoy)



Category: Bleach
Genre: And apologize, Anxiety, Bad Parent Kurosaki Isshin, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Families of Choice, Family Feels, Female Kurosaki Ichigo, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Ichigo's friends figure out their shit eventually, Kuorsaki Isshin's A+ Parenting, Kurosaki Ichigo Needs a Hug, No detailed descriptions of rape/sexual abuse, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Trying to tag all the things I could possibly warn about, but later, it's not all angst i promise, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:47:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25661587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoGreyjoy/pseuds/BrenIsntHome
Summary: In the wake of the Winter War, Ichigo finds herself careening towards rock bottom. And with her friends having abandoned her "for her own good", no one seems to see it. It's a good thing Vizards look after their own. (Or the one where Ichigo gets the family she deserves)Warning for abusive Isshin.
Comments: 47
Kudos: 355





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fanfic a while back and deleted it, but I'm putting it back up as I'm diving head first back into my love of Bleach. It's cross-posted on ff.net as well. Lemme know what you think!
> 
> I wish I could give you a solid update schedule but grad school and internships are a thing....

They should have done it a long time ago. Back when she was just a tiny thing cowering in the corner while her father, if the man can even be called that, screamed at her in a drunken rage. Her arms wrapped around her stomach where she had been kicked and a nasty gash on her forehead from a bottle thrown with too good of aim. They should have stepped in. But Kisuke, arriving not long after they had, assured them it wouldn't happen again.

Told them that Isshin wasn't handling his wife's death well and was too drunk to realize what he had done to Ichigo. Like that was some kind of fucking excuse.

Kisuke swore that Isshin would get help, and Ichigo would be fine. That taking her away would do more harm than good in the long run.

But looking down at the petite orangette shivering under a number of blankets, purple and blue staining the area around her eye and the left side of her face, Shinji isn't sure he'll ever be able to forgive himself for not kidnapping the young vizard years ago.

"It's okay, Berry-tan," Mashiro says, petting her head gently.

'No,' he thinks. 'No it fuckin' ain't.'

.

It's Isshin's fault. Isshin and the entire goddamn Gotei 13.

The war is long and hard. There are casualties on both sides. At the center of it is a girl. A sixteen year old child who never had a chance. From the moment she was born, her life had been decided for her. The Shinigami-Quincy hybrid with a hollow living inside of her. Their trump card over Aizen. And really, how pathetic is that? Relying on a mere child to save their asses.

The Shinigami like to think of themselves as good and just.

Shinji sometimes wonders if they're the real monsters in this story.

Because he honestly doesn't know what's worse. The fact that everyone was willing to sacrifice Ichigo for the greater good, or the fact that Ichigo marched willingly to her possible death, because she felt that she had to. Not because she wanted to fight. But because she had been raised for this. Molded into the perfect soldier and led to the fight like a lamb to slaughter.

Her life had been stolen from her the moment people realized her potential.

It isn't fair.

.

Ichigo is a tiny thing when they first meet.

All wavy orange hair and big brown eyes, hiding behind her mother's skirt.

Masaki laughs, ruffling the girls hair gently. "Don't be shy, Ichigo. They're old friends of your father's. Say hello." Shinji winces at the term 'friend'. He wouldn't use that word to describe their relationship. More like acquaintances occasionally forced to interact. The only reason they bothered to show up today was because Masaki personally came to invite them. A four-year old's birthday party isn't really their thing.

Especially if it's for Isshin's brat,

She peaks out from behind Masaki, staring up at them with wide, curious eyes. "'ello," she says softly, still clinging tightly to her mother. A pause. "Tanks fer comin'," she says, a little grin on her face, before ducking back behind her mother.

And dammit, if she isn't the cutest thing. He can almost feel the metaphorical ice around his heart starting to melt as she stares up at them with those too big eyes. The other's must be similarly affected because by the end of the day, she has them wrapped around her tiny finger.

All of them. Though they will lately vehemently deny this fact to anyone who asks.

Even Hiyori eventually succumbs to the cute little monster's pull and finds herself sitting at a miniature table serving tea to stuffed animals. Shinji may or may not have taken pictures for future blackmail opportunities.

Towards the end of the day, when Ichigo is thoroughly tired out from the festivities (such as making Kensei give her pony rides), instead of climbing into her mother or father's lap, Shinji finds himself with an armful of small sleeping child.

He also finds that he doesn't mind as much as he should.

.

They call her a hero.

The Seiretei celebrates their victory.

Sure, they won. Aizen is gone. But at what cost?

Ichigo sits in a place of honor, surrounded by people congratulating her and slapping her on the back. No one seems to notice to haunted look in her eyes. The bags underneath them from sleepless nights. The way she's curling on herself, like she's trying to disappear. No one wants to see the damage they inflicted on her.

They force themselves to not notice the reiatsu spikes at night, or the choked off screams that follow. Don't want to see their hero as weak. Don't want to see the scared little girl that they threw the wolves suffering because of them. 

Shinji watches as Ichigo forces a smile onto her face as another person comes to speak with her, and he has to fight down the building rage and urge to knock their faces in on Ichigo's behalf. How dare they?

Can't they see?

Can't they see what they've done?

.

It would be a lie to say they didn't grow attached to the orangette. 

By the time she's five years old, the eight of them are a constant presence in the cheerful, if a little crybaby-ish, girl's life. Should they regret getting so attached? Probably. But do they? Not a bit. 

The first day of kindergarten, Shinji stands next to Masaki and waves to Ichigo as she crosses the street to join her classmates. Isshin had business at the clinic and hadn't bothered to show. Surprise, surprise. 

Kensei is the one who threatened the little punks who started picking on her for her oddly colored hair and sent her home in tears more than once. The disapproving look he receives from Masaki is worth it in his book. 

Ichigo is very bright for her age, and quickly goes through her small collection of 'boring kids books'. Lisa, after a few reminders that Ichigo is just a child, finds titles appropriate for her age and secretly drops them off in her room every other week while she isn't there. The little squeal of joy she emits each time brings a smile to her face. 

Hiyori is the one who encourages her to throw her first punch. After the umpteenth time the little strawberry has come home crying from being bullied, Hiyori had had enough and spent an afternoon teaching her how to defend herself. She laughs maniacally the next day when she is informed Ichigo beat the snot out of three older kids. 

If there's one thing the brat is not, it's delicate. She's rough and easily riled up. More often than not when they see her, she is covered in scrapes and bruises from her escapades around the neighborhood terrorizing all the other children. Hachi heals them with a patient smile and gently reminds her to be nice to the other children. He merely sighs and shakes his head when a few days later she is sent home for biting someone. 

Mashiro is the fun one. And Ichigo fucking adores her. Especially after she lets Ichigo dress up as a princess and order everyone around for the day. There may have been cake for breakfast and silly string involved. Masaki was not pleased. 

Rose is musical. Ichigo is musical. She takes to guitar like a fish takes to water. She can often be heard singing along to Rose's favorite songs, her voice high and clear. Although playing the guitar at 1am instead of sleeping is quickly put to a stop. 

When she's seven Love takes her to an anime convention. She comes home with a ridiculous amount of shonen manga. Ichigo is delighted. Masaki is not delighted because they already ran out of space for books and sends them out to buy another bookshelf that they then have to assemble. 

It takes them ten hours and five breakdowns to get it right.

Fuck IKEA and their products. 

.

When Ichigo breaks it starts slowly, then it happens all at once. 

The cracks began forming long before she had met Kuchiki Rukia. Long before she heard the word Shinigami and unlocked her powers. By the time the Soul Society got their hands on her, Kurosaki Ichigo was well on her way to a break down. They just sped things up. 

It starts with a single conversation between the soutaichou and Isshin. 

The soutaichou, in all his infinite wisdom, feels that Ichigo has done enough, and deserves to just be a normal child. 

Shinji snorts. Wonders if the soutaichou is going senile in his old age. How the hell does he expect Ichigo to be normal after this? Dragged into a bloody war created by other people, forced to fight their battles. Hurt so many times for the sake of people who only cared about her for her power. And now they just want her to waltz back into the world of the living and move on with her life like nothing ever happened?

Good fucking luck with that. That kid is screwed for life. 

Isshin readily agrees. Wants to give his daughter a chance at a normal life. 

The normal life he stole from her. 

And so, without even consulting the kid in question, they once again decide what her life is going to be. She's to be cut off from the spirit world. Which is a fucking novel idea considering she somehow managed to hold onto her powers after her Getsuga Tenshou. How the hell are you supposed to separate someone from the thing they are so intimately connected to? 

Turns out, they can.

The Shinigami are banned from speaking to her. He can't decide if he's more pissed about the fact that the two men thought that this was for the best, or the fact that everyone went along with it. Didn't hesitate in abandoning the traumatized child they had befriended without so much as a proper goodbye. 

Ichigo isn't allowed to know what is currently happening in the Soul Society. Told that it isn't any of her concern. 

She is unofficially banned from Urahara Shoten. Every time she shows up, she is quickly shuffled away by an apologetic Kisuke. Even though her friends, Shinigami and human alike are gathered there. Even if her family, her father and her sisters, are there, she is turned away. 

"It's nothing to concern yourself with," her father says with a smile, "why don't you run along and have some fun?"

Her friends quickly change the subject every time Ichigo walks into the room, greet her pleasantly, then usually find some excuse to leave.

"Sorry, Ichigo. I Just started a new job and I'm going to be late."

"I'm so sorry, Kurosaki-chan! I promised to meet with Tatsuki later."

"I have business to attend to. I'll see you around Kurosaki."

Isshin says it's for her own good. Says she needs a break from this world in order to process things after everything she's gone through. She's still alive after all, and has an entire human life ahead of her. Ichigo shouldn't have to spend every day worrying about the spirit world and no one was to bother her about it. 

It's bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit, and more than a little sad. They don't see the hurt look on her face when they turn and walk away. Miss the way the smile falls off her face one day and never returns. The constant rubbing at her eyes and tremble in her voice whenever she bothers to speak to anyone. Which isn't often these days. They don't see the signs of sleep deprivation or the way her clothes are starting to get baggy on her shrinking frame. 

They don't see how's she barely keeping her head above the ever rising water.

The next time he raises his concern and someone brushes him off with a "It's for her own good. She needs time to heal", he gives them a blank look, fingers itching to grab his zanpaktou and run them through with it.

"Are ya fuckin' stupid?"

.

The day Ichigo walks into their warehouse, Shinji can't deny feeling a little giddy. They hadn't seen the kid since she was nine years old. Since her old man decided that they needed to butt out of her life. Oh, they didn't go without a fight, of course. But in the end, Isshin, won. Telling them that Ichigo didn't want to see them anymore. Which he admits, looking back, had been a little suspicious. Why would the kid suddenly reject them without warning? 

They had grudgingly backed off though after complaining to Kisuke, who urged them to give the kid some space and let her have time to deal with her mother's death. Some space and some time turned into six years of no communication. 

He had missed the little ankle biter. 

Missed the excited yells of "Shinji nii-chan!" whenever she saw him. 

But when she steps in and looks up at them, there isn't a hint of excitement on her face. None of the joy that used to overtake her whenever her big brothers and sisters came to visit. She gives no indication that she even remembers them. Just gives them the scowl that seems to permanently reside on her face. 

A cold feeling settles in his stomach. 

This Ichigo is quiet, reserved, with an even shorter fuse than the one she had as a child. The anger practically radiates off her, like she's pissed off at the entire world. A part of him wonders if this is just her being the typically moody teenager, but he can tell that there's something else lurking underneath the surface. Something she's trying to push down and hide under layers and layers of anger and bad attitude. And it's not just her hollow. 

He feels stupid for expecting the same Ichigo they had known.

Stupid for leaving her at the mercy of her fucking idiot father and that damned shopkeeper. 

.

The Seireitei wants them to come home. The old man sends Kyouraku, Ukitake, and Unohana to personally give them the news. The three captains least likely to cause them to lose their tempers and go on a rampage. 

It's a surprisingly easy decision for them to make. 

They look at the white haoris', the fukutaichou badges, the offers of other positions. They think of the orange haired child residing in Karakura Town, all alone, slipping farther and farther away as the days went by, and their mind is made up instantly

"You can take it and shove it up your ass!" Hiyori screeches, nearly beaming Ukitake in the head with a badge. "Who the hell do you guys think you are!?"

Kyouraku looks like he is about to protest, but is cut off. 

"What she means to say, Kyouraku-taichou, Ukitake-taichou, Unohana-taichou" Lisa says, leveling her former captain with an icy stare, "is that unlike you Shinigami, we do not abandon our comrades. It's all of us, or none of us." 

The rest of them agree silently. 

The silence stretches on for a few moments. The Vizards hold their ground, daring the captains to say or do anything. Finally, Ukitake sighs, a resigned look on his face.

"The soutaichou isn't going to like this," he says, running a hand through his hair. 

"He should have thought about this before being an idiot," Kensei says gruffly, and annoyed look on his face. "He did it to himself. You all did." 

And they all know Kensei means much more than just their refusal of their old positions. An uncomfortable look appears on the three captain's faces. 

'Good,' Shinji thinks.

There's another tense pause before Unohana breaks the silence again. "And how is Kurosaki-chan? Is she doing well?"

"You would know the answer if any of you bothered to come see her," Hachi cuts in, a cold edge in his voice a change from his usual kind and soft spoken demeanor.

Kyouraku's eyes are shielded by his hat, Ukitake looks away, and Unohana's lips are drawn into a tight line. 

"You're all a bunch a fuckin' cowards. That's what ya are."

.

Once, after a long night of training, they find her on the roof of the warehouse, too close to the edge for comfort, reiatsu fluctuating wildly. When they first felt her reiatsu they had all rushed to her in fear that it might be her hollow fighting for control. As they stood there, unsure of what to do, Shinji almost wished it was her hollow. That they knew how to deal with. But this...something just felt very wrong. This wasn't the perpetually angry and closed off teen that wandered in for training weeks ago. This wasn't just teenage angst. 

Ichigo doesn't seem to notice them at first, just stands there staring out into the night, a strange expression on her face. 

Shinji is the one who steps forward. Slowly, so as not to startle her. 

"Ichigo?"

She twitches, but doesn't reply or acknowledge him. Shinji continues to move closer to her until he is standing directly behind her. "Ichigo?" he tries again, placing a hand on her shoulder. Ichigo starts, whirling around to face him. Her eyes are wide and bright, her breathing uneven. 

"Hey there. What ya doin' all alone up here?" He tries to make it sound as casual as possible. He is definitely not panicking. Nope. 

Ichigo looks at him for a long time, almost like she's searching for something. Whatever it is, she apparently finds it because she relaxes ever so slightly, a little bit of the panic melting away.

"Shinji-nii?" she asks, in a quiet, unsure tone. Almost like she's afraid of what he's going to do or say. And if that doesn't say how upset she is at the moment he doesn't know what does.

Ichigo hasn't referred to him or the other's as big brother or big sister the entire time she's been training with them. Whether it's because she's actually managed to forget about them (which he doubts) or it's because she's still angry about whatever they did to offend her when she was nine and demanded they stop visiting (most likely) he isn't sure. Or maybe it's neither. 

Maybe she's angry at them because, like everyone else, they never bothered to sit down and tell her about the world she was part of. Just showed up one day and said 'Surprise! We're not human!'. That's a possibility too. 

But that's a discussion for another day. Right now he needs to focus on the current issue. The baby of their little family is standing on the edge of the roof, emotions out of wack. Their baby is hurting. 

She looks young in this moment. So damn young. But that's because she is. Everyone seems to conveniently forget that fact when dealing with Ichigo. But he and the other's can't. They still see her as that cute little kid with ribbons in her hair chasing after them with a huge grin on her face, babbling in a mixture of Shinji's Kansai Ben and Masaki's childhood Hakata Ben that often got her strange looks from other Karakura Town residents. 

"Onii-chan?" she tries again, voice shaking ever so slightly. 

He heaves out a long sigh. "Yeah, Ichi. I'm here. Let's get ya inside, hm?"

She nods, letting him pull her against his side as he walks her back into the warehouse. The other's following closely behind, worry evident on all their faces. 

Ichigo lets herself be pushed into a comfy seat, a warm blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She doesn't seem to be injured, but Hachi scans her anyway in an effort to relieve some of his own worries. She doesn't respond much to their questioning, just an occasional yes or no, or a shrug. Refuses to make eye contact with any of them. It's frustrating, but in all honesty, their frustration is aimed more at themselves for not noticing things earlier. For not seeing that something is clearly going on. 

But it's not like they were there to see what the hell's been going on, were they? 

"...Did I do something wrong?"

"What was that?" he asks, snapping out of his musings. 

"Did I do something wrong?" she repeats, a little louder this time. "One day you guys...just stopped....did I do something wrong?"

Shinji is suddenly fighting the urge to go and murder that goat-faced bastard. He wouldn't have...

"Of course not, Ichi-chan," Rose soothes, smoothing back her hair, "you haven't done anything. Why would you think that?"

"You didn't visit. Dad said you didn't want to see me anymore..."

And there goes what little self control he has. He can hear Sakanade roaring in the back of his mind, calling for Isshin's blood. Who gave him the right?

He doesn't know how to fix this. Doesn't know what words to say to even try and begin to make this right. Deep down, Shinji wonders if this situation is even fixable. They fucked up bad. Do they even deserve a second chance? No, probably not. They deserve Ichigo about as much as everyone else does.

Not at all.

But that doesn't mean they're not going to try. 

"I'm scared onii-san..."

"Of course you are. We'd be concerned if you weren't." 

"Please don't leave again."

"Never."

By God, they were going to fucking try. 

.

Shinji remembers the screaming. 

Remembers seeing Masaki laying on the ground. Remembers Ichigo sobbing and clutching at her mother's corpse, begging her to wake up. It took two of them to pry the blood-soaked child off her mother. And it took another two hours for her to finally wear herself down and pass out in Mashiro's arms. 

He also remembers the weeks that came after, where Isshin was more useless than usual. Where a nine-year old girl was forced to grow up too fast, pushing her trauma to the back of her mind in order to take care of twin girls because daddy was in his room too drunk to help out. He remembers it well. 

But the one memory that will always haunt him, the one that fills him with the most regret, is the little girl cowering in the corner while her father loomed over her, arm pulled back ready to hit her, screaming, "YOU'RE FAULT! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU DID THIS!" and that after it happened, he listened to that damn shopkeeper with the stupid hat and walked away.

He walked away. They all walked away. 

Not once did they just say the hell with it and try to worm their way back into Ichigo's life. They just left. Left her. 

They should have taken her away with them. 

.

"Ya don't have ta fight, ya know," Shinji tells her one day.

It's just the two of them, the others are still asleep. 

"Of course I do," Ichigo says. "I have to fight."

Shinji squints at her. "Ya don't have ta do anythin'. It ain't your fight. Ya don't owe those Shinigami anythin'." 

Ichigo is silent for a moment. "Maybe. Maybe I don't. But I...I have the power to save a lot of people. And if you have the power, why not use it to help? What kind of person would I be if I turned my back on the people that need me? I have a duty to protect people."

No. She has a duty to be a fucking kid. Not to run off and do the adult's dirty work for them. She has a duty to take care of herself, not sacrifice her existence for a world that doesn't give a shit. But that's not the kind of person Kurosaki Ichigo is. 

"Besides, if anything happened to you guys and it could have been prevented if I had just done something instead of running and hiding, I would never forgive myself. You're too important to me, Onii-chan. I have to protect you."

"We should be protecting you. Not the other way around."

Ichigo tilts her head, like she doesn't understand what he just said. Like she's not used to people actively wanting to protect her and keep her safe. Yet that's all she does for the people around her, and never expects anything in return. And isn't that just tragic? 

.

Moving into a regular home instead of staying in their warehouse is a no brainer. 

The Soul Society is no longer hunting them down, so there's no need to hide in a drafty warehouse behind layers of protections in order to stay alive. They can live like normal people for once. And isn't that something? Them, having a normalish life for the first time in over 100 years. 

They move as a group, seeing no need to separate after being together all this time. It would be weird to strike it out on their own and not have the others around. Not that any of them will admit to missing each other out loud, of course. They end up purchasing a traditional Japanese style house in the older part of Karakura Town. The neighbors homes are situated farther apart, which is great. They don't need the police called on them when they inevitably do something loud and obnoxious. And there is enough room for all nine of them to have their own space. 

All nine of them. 

While moving all their shit into their new place, they are careful to leave one room empty of everything except an extra bed, empty dresser, and a desk. Careful to leave space around the house for another person's stuff to collect. An empty spot at the door for another pair of shoes. An extra place at the table. 

"Take care of her," Ukitake had told them that day.

"Yeah, because her so called friends certainly aren't up to the job," Shinji shot back, enjoying the guilty looks on their faces. 

Like they needed Shinigami to tell them to look after Ichigo. Ichigo is one of them. Part of their little dysfunctional family. 

They always take care of their own. 


	2. Chapter 2

Kurosaki Ichigo sucks at a lot of things.

Remembering to feed and water herself at least twice daily, talking at a pace that isn't too fast or too slow with broken, half finished thoughts, going to bed before two in the morning on a school night, and finishing one book before starting another just to name a few. But if there's one thing that she definitely cannot do, one thing that Ichigo is just not designed for, is being alone.

She can't  _ do _ alone _.  _ Ichigo is  _ terrible _ at being alone.

For some reason that Shinji could never figure out, everyone has decided that Ichigo is this aloof and independent being who needs space and desires minimal social interaction. A lone predator, best left to her own devices. Clearly, he is surrounded by idiots.

Who in their right mind would leave that child on her own?

Sure sometimes she enjoys a little solitude, like when she spends a night cooped up in her room, strumming on her guitar and writing lyrics. Or if she's completely exhausted after a crazy day in the utter shitshow that is her life. But what most people don't seem to understand is that Ichigo is most at ease when surrounded by the people she cares about. For someone who is classified as so "aloof and independent", she craves human contact like nothing else.

Whether it's going out and doing something, or just curling up on the couch next to someone in comfortable silence, she'll take any type of interaction she can get. Which, when Shinji stops to think about it, makes his blood boil at just how affection-starved the kid is.

The point is, Ichigo should not be left to her own devices.

Which is why they shamelessly tail her wherever she goes once her friends and family abandon her without warning. Ichigo never goes anywhere without one of them close by.

They don't always make contact with her, or try to speak to her. Ichigo brushes them off more often than not, not in the mood to talk. Not really trusting them after being betrayed by everyone else. But they're always there, just in case. Trying to gently remind her that she's not alone as she may feel. That they're still here and aren't going anywhere anytime soon.

So whether or not she wants them there, they stay by her side.

Lurking outside of her school or, in some cases, in the back of her classroom on the days she seems particularly anxious about being there, just in case she needs a quick exit. Sitting at a nearby table in her favorite little cafe whenever she can manage being around so many strangers in such a small place, which isn't many days. The crowds and the noise seem to agitate her lately. When she stays late at the library to avoid going home to her father and sisters, one of them casually roams up and down the many shelves, and occasionally slip healthy snacks and small meals onto the table next to her. She hasn't been eating enough lately.

The only place they don't go is the Kurosaki house. They follow her there to make sure she arrives safely, sometimes wait outside a few to make sure nothing happens, but they don't go inside. That would just end in a fight with Isshin, and while they all would like to knock his teeth in, they don't want to stress Ichigo out more than she already is.

Even if it pained them to let her keep walking into that house instead of taking her home with them where she belonged.

.

Shinji finds her at the river one day, after an hour of searching. For someone with such high reiatsu, she'd gotten scarily good at hiding her presence from others.

If it had been anyone else, they probably wouldn't have been able to find her. But Shinji, thankfully, knew the little strawberry well enough to track her down. He checked the school first, just in case, but she had skipped again. He should have expected this. Her attendance left much to be desired lately. He checked the library, her favorite cafe, the wooded area that she sometimes like to walk in, and the cemetery. When she had been at none of these places, he knew that there was only one other place in Karakura the girl could have gone to.

That damn river.

And he was right.

She's pacing back and forth when he gets there. Arms wrapped tightly around herself like she's trying to hold herself together, a miserable expression on her face.

It's a throwback to nine-year old Ichigo. A lost little girl who didn't know what to do with herself after seeing her mother brutally murdered. When she wasn't looking after her sisters, she had been here. Just pacing and pacing, sitting down when she got tired, then getting up and pacing again. It had been sad to watch then. It tugs at his heart just as much now. It's hard to watch someone suffer and not know what to do to help.

Shinji's not sure if he should interrupt or let her wear herself out like they did when she was small and then take her home.

He eventually decides to let her get some of the nervous energy out of her system and  _ then _ interrupt her. So he waits, watches her pace and pace. Occasionally pausing to stare into the spot where Grand Fischer's lure once deceived her, or at the spot where her mother's body had lain, then going back to pacing. It's a good twenty minutes before Ichigo plops down in the grass with a barely audible sigh.

He gives it another minute and when he's sure Ichigo isn't going to start moving again, he slowly makes his way to stand next to the teen, making his approach as noticeable as possible in an effort not to startle her.

Ichigo tenses and turns to look at him.

"Shinji-nii? You're here?" She blinks.

"Yup. And so are you. Aren't ya supposed ta be in school, young lady?" he asks in a mock scolding tone, plopping down in the grass next to her. 

She blinks slowly at him, her expression that of surprise and a little confusion. 

"I...yeah. I guess." 

"So why ya out here then? I mean, far be it from me ta comment on your studyin' habits. I certainly didn' attend all of my classes when I was young, but ya've kinda been pushin' it lately, haven' ya?"

And really, she is. She's been out of school for almost a solid two weeks. Her grades had dropped significantly according to Lisa who regularly checked her online reports. How the woman got the password he doesn't know, but she's always been particularly invested in Ichigo's schoolwork. 

Another slow blink. "Maybe."

Shinji gives her a flat look. "I'm not gettin' anywhere, am I?"

Ichigo shrugs.

He sighs, of course he's not. Why should he expect her to keep up with coursework when she can barely keep up with daily life? School isn't the main concern right now. That problem could be fixed later. 

"I can't," she says softly after a moment, that miserable expression overtaking her face again. She's staring at the river again, refusing to meet his eyes. "I can't stand going into that place and seeing everyone and knowing they don't want me there."

Shinji sighs, once again fighting down the urge to draw Sakanade and kick some ass. This town has been increasing his homicidal tendencies exponentially these past few months. 

"Yeah, I thought as much. I'm sorry, kid." 

Sorry that she's going through such a hard time? Sorry that the people she chose as friends are complete trash? Sorry that she had been born into a family that included a father that didn't give a shit and two ungrateful little sisters? Sorry that he left her seven years ago and allowed a situation like this to happen? He has a lot of things to be sorry for. 

Ichigo's head jerks in his direction. "Sorry?" She frowns. "What are you sorry for?"

"Sorry that ya got suck with a bunch o' good for nothin' idiots as your friends."

Her frown deepens at that. She looks almost offended and for a moment, Shinji expects her to fire off on him like she normally does when he says something she doesn't particularly agree with. But as quick as it comes, the little spark of the old Ichigo is gone and she fades back into the shell she's become. 

"They're not that bad. I probably-" she begins, only to fall silent when she catches sight of the look on Shinji's face. The steely eyes and barely contained rage making her flinch back. "S-Shinji-nii?"

"Don't," he starts, trying to keep calm. "Don't keep defendin' those morons. Don't keep blamin' yerself for them bein' fuckin' stupid. Here ya are, sittin' here, day after day, wonderin' what ya did wrong. What ya did to make your friends hate ya. But the truth is, ya didn't do anythin'. It's  _ them _ . Ya didn't make them stop talking to ya. Ya didn't make them avoid ya like the damn plague. Ya didn't make them decide ta cut ya off from everythin' ya know.  _ They  _ did that. Your so called friends made the decision ta leave ya behind. To treat ya like shit. And you're lettin' them get ta ya. You just keep waitin' 'round for the day they finally come 'round and say sorry for bein' shitty people. And I bet ya'd forgive them in a damn heartbeat and go crawlin' right back ta them. Even though they clearly don't give much of a damn about ya if they can do this ta ya and not care." 

Ichigo is frozen in place, staring at him with wide eyes and something so shaken and hurt in her expression it almost makes Shinji feel bad. Her lower lip quivers and he can see her eyes starting to water. 

He softens a little at this, letting some of the anger and aggression fade away. This isn't what she needs right now. 

"Ichigo. Your friends- this ain't how friendship works. D'ya understand? Ichigo,  _ friends don't do this.  _ They don't only give ya the time of day when they need somethin' from ya. They don't leave ya behind when ya need them. It ain't right. It ain't fair to ya. And ya shouldn' be puttin' up with it. Friendship ain't supposed ta  _ hurt _ ."

There is a tense silence between them and he can feel Ichigo's reiatsu fluctuating wildly. 

Shinji regards the girl next to him, but doesn't say anything else, giving her a chance to think about what he just said. He looks at the river, and at the spot where they found Ichigo next to Masaki's body that day. Then he looks up at the sky and notices the clouds. A few sprinkles begin to fall. The storm is getting closer. 

"I know-," Ichigo begins to say, then pauses, dragging a hand through her hair unbrushed hair. "I know they're being kind of awful right now and I don't know why. I mean, I've tried so hard. I've done everything-" her voice cracks and she rubs at her eyes harshly. "But they're the only friends I've ever had."

Shinji winces at this. It's true. Ichigo has never been good at connecting with the kids from her neighborhood or at school. When she had mentioned her friend Chad during training all those months ago, they had all nearly fallen over in shock. 

"Why does everyone always leave, nii-chan?"

And there it is. The root of about a third of Ichigo's problems. Her voice is nearly inaudible at this point, but Shinji heard it. And if he wasn't feeling homicidal before...

"Well I wouldn' say everyone left ya. I'm still here. The others are still here. Or did ya think we'd up and disappear too?"

Ichigo blinks. "Yoruichi said the old man wanted you to come home. I thought-" she trails off, looking at him like she thinks disappearing is exactly what he's going to do. "I thought you'd go. Soul Society is your home. You belong there." 

"Don't go tellin' me where I belong. If I wanna roam around this shithole in a gigai workin' some stupid human job then that's what I'm gonna do n' ya can't say anythin' about it. It's my choice. 'Sides, they didn' offer ya a place."

She tilts her head to the side, giving him a strange look. "Why does that matter?"

Shinji heaves a long sigh. "Ya really don get it, d'ya? Ya can be so dense sometimes, Strawberry. We're stayin' here for  _ you.  _ We ain't goin' no where if ya can't come with us, kid. Not again. Understand?"

"Really?" Her tone is unsure, still not quite believing him. 

"Really. Hiyori n' Lisa really laid inta 'em. Shoulda seen it. Told 'em exactly where ta stick it. The looks on their faces were priceless."

Ichigo looks at him for another long moment, searching, before nodding. 

"So...you'll be here then?" The childish hope in her voice making his heart clench. 

"As long as ya want us here." And even if she didn't. "We even have a real house now. No more drafty warehouse for us."

Ichigo's face scrunches up at this. "What, really?"

"Yes, really. It's kinda old, but big enough for all of us," he says, watching her reaction. 

"Hm. That's nice." 

Sometimes he forgets Ichigo is a little slow on the uptake. 

" _ All  _ of us, Ichi. Including you, if that's somethin' ya want ta think about. We left a room empty n' everythin'." He pauses to let that sink in before speaking again. "We'd be happy ta have ya."

Ichigo tenses. 

"What? Ya don't want ta live with us?"

"No, no. That's not it. It's just...why would you want me to move in? I don't want to be a bother." 

The unspoken 'I don't want to get attached in case you decide to abandon me too' is heard loud and clear. 

Shinji sighs again. "Well, like I said. It's your decision. Ya don't have ta, just throwin' out the option." He stands up, stretching out his limbs after sitting for so long and looks up at the sky. "Alright, let's get goin'."

Ichigo blinks. "Huh? Go where?"

"The house. It's about ta downpour out here. Unless ya wanna stay out in the rain?" He begins walking and motions for Ichigo to follow him. "'Sides. School's almost over n' done with anyways. No point in draggin' your truant ass back there, right? Might as well go do somethin'." 

Ichigo doesn't say anything to this, and for a moment Shinji isn't sure if she's actually going to come with him or not. But then he hears the soft footsteps come up beside him and feels a smaller hand slip into his own. The last time she held his hand had been the first day of second grade, right before she got to the school and declared she was a big girl, Shinji-nii, and didn't need to hold anyone's hand anymore!

He gives her hand a gentle squeeze and doesn't comment on it. 

.

Getting Ichigo to move in is like trying to befriend a skittish little stray animal whose been through too much and doesn't quite know how to react to being offered affection and love. It's a long process that requires patience and effort, and seems a little hopeless at times. But they're up to the challenge.

She comes and goes she pleases, slinking in and out of the house at all hours of the day and night. 

They don't always notice her at first. She always appears when they least expect it, hovering in doorways or curled up on the couch when she hadn't been there before or suddenly appearing behind them and scaring the shit out of them (not that they'll admit it). One morning they find her asleep in the hammock out back. They have no idea how long she has been there, but they just throw a blanket over her and let her be. At least she's sleeping comfortably. 

She'll accept food if it's offered, but never goes in the kitchen to get it herself. They make it a point to keep her favorites on hand. 

Occasionally she'll sleep in her allotted room if she stays too late they can convince her to spend the night instead of walking home. By the time they wake up she's already slipped out the door again. But honestly, they're okay with this. They're not going to force her to stay. Ichigo's already had too many choices taken away from her. They simply give her space (after she flips the fuck out about their constant hovering and stalking), feed her occasionally, and make sure she's warm and okay whenever she stops by. 

They give Ichigo her own key to the house for the rare cases when at least one of them isn't there, just so she knows she's always welcome. 

After about two months of this, their patience pays off. Once Ichigo realizes that all they're going to do is feed her, talk to her, and give her a warm place to stay whenever she needs or wants it, she starts to relax around them. 

Her bedroom gains a lived in feel. Her things from her room at the Kurosaki house slowly migrating to her new room. A jacket left on the back of the couch and school books at the table where she had been studying the night before. She no longer waits to be fed and raids the kitchen, often stealing Hiyori's favorite yogurt and running out the door with it before the shorter girl can catch her. 

Ichigo even starts to demand attention from them instead of waiting for them to notice her.

And then one day she comes over, and simply doesn't leave.

Truthfully, getting the kid to move in came with less of a fight than they expected. 

If anyone outside of their home notices her sudden absence, no one bothers to come looking. 

.

_ Obsessive-Compulsive _

  1. _of or relating to a personality style characterized by perfectionism, indecision, conscientiousness, concern with detail, rigidity, and inhibition._
  2. _Psychiatry. of or relating to a neurosis characterized by persistent intrusion of unwanted thoughts (obsessions) or the performance of actions, as repeated hand-washing, that one is unable to stop (compulsions)._



The first thing that tips them off that something has gone horribly wrong in the time they spent away from Ichigo is her obsession with the lock on her bedroom door. 

The house didn't have locks on the bedroom doors when they moved in and none of them thought anything of it. Years of living together had gotten rid of any awkwardness between them. None of them were really bothered by the possibly of having someone walk in on them. But Ichigo threw a fit. 

When she first started sleeping over she would shove anything she could in front of the door so it would be hard to open. Once she started living there on a regular basis, she insisted on a lock. 

"What the hell do you need a lock for? It's not like we're gonna go in and mess with your stuff kid," Kensei says gruffly from his place at the table, eyebrows raised. 

"Because I want a lock," she mumbles, moving the food around on her plate but not making a move to eat. 

"Do you have something to hide?" Lisa asks, peering at the girl from over the top of her manga.

Ichigo sinks down in her seat, shoulders hunched. "I would just rather have a door that locks." 

"Oh come on, squirt! What's the big deal? It's just us-" Hiyori begins, only to be cut off by a sudden burst of anger from the orangette. Her first slams into the table, causing the dishes on it to shake and startling everyone. 

"Because I want a fucking lock! What's so damn hard to understand about that!" Her voice is loud with a slight hysterical edge to it. 

"Oi! Calm down, there's no need ta-"

"Just forget it!" Ichigo stomps out of the room and then the house before anyone can stop her. 

"Berry-tan is really upset about the lock," Mashiro says quietly, staring at the place Ichigo had just been sitting, a thoughtful look on her face. "I wonder why."

Love sighs. "Maybe we should just give the kid the lock? If it's that important to her." Hachi hums in agreement. 

When Ichigo finally returns later that night, a shiny new lock has been installed on her door. No one brings up the lock or her outburst from earlier. They pretend it never happened. Even when they can hear her lock, jiggle, unlock, and repeat at the door about fifteen times every night before bed. 

The second thing that makes them raise a brow is her obsession with cleanliness. 

They regularly return home to all the rooms in the house- sans their bedrooms which Ichigo never enters without express permission- freshly cleaned and sanitized. Household surfaces damn near sparkle in the light she cleans them so thoroughly. It's slightly disconcerting since teenagers are notoriously messy creatures who often need to be bribed to do things. But not Ichigo. The girl simply cannot handle things she feels to be "unclean", spending hours obsessing and scrubbing over everything to get ride of the perceived filth. Including the dirt she seems to believe is on her person. 

When she comes out of the shower, her skin is scrubbed red and raw, bleeding in some places. They're all rightly horrified by this behavior. 

"What were you thinking, Ichigo?" Hachi scolds gently, healing the damage to her burned and bleeding skin. 

Ichigo shrugs, not meeting his eyes. "I want to feel clean." 

"You don't need to scrub this hard to be clean. You're tearing your skin open."

"If you scrub hard enough, for a little while, you can't feel them," she replies, and then winces like she hadn't meant for that to come out. 

Hachi's mouth opens and closes as he stares at her in horror, his healing kido fading as he loses concentration. The chatter behind him ceases immediately as everyone gleans the possible meanings behind those words. There is a thick, tense silence in the room before the pink haired takes a deep breath, schools his features, and goes back to healing her damaged skin. 

"Okay," he says, calmly. "Okay."

Things are definitely not okay. 

.

It is decided that Lisa should be the one to gently pose the question they all want answers to. 

Sitting in the yard one afternoon, two cups of untouched hot chocolate between them, the bespectacled woman tries to think of the right way to say this, without making the orangette completely shut down and bolt. 

"Ichigo."

"Hm?"

"You remember those talks we had when you were younger, correct?"

Big brown eyes stare at the woman in confusion. Her response comes out as more of a question than an answer. "Yeah?" 

"And you know that if anyone does  _ anything  _ you're not comfortable with, you can always tell us?"

And as soon as those words leave her mouth, Lisa knows that this is not going to go well. She watches as Ichigo quickly clams up, any emotions she might be feeling hidden behind her usual moody teenager mask. 

" _ I'm fine, _ " she practically hisses. "Nothing happened. Why can't you guys just drop it already!?"

"Ichigo-"

"I don't have anything to tell you!"

But what the kid doesn't notice is that her reaction told them everything they needed to know. Well, almost everything. 

.

Just as he's finally dozing off, a knock on Shinji's door startles him into full alertness. 

"Shinji-nii? Are you awake?"

He groans, sitting up in bed, stifling a yawn. "Yeah, Ichi. I'm awake," he calls, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

His door creaks open and Ichigo carefully steps into the room, stopping near the door. Her head is bowed and she's fidgeting nervously, tugging at the arms of her long sleeved sleep shirt.

"Whattaya still doin' up? It's-" he glances at the clock, "3 in the mornin'." Jesus Christ, three in the morning. Fuck him. 

"Can I stay with you?" she blurts out quickly.

Shinji blinks, not sure he heard her correctly. "Huh?" 

"I-" she pauses, taking a shaky breath, and Shinji can feel the anxiety and fear leaking off her in her reiatsu. "I had a nightmare."

His eyes soften and any agitation he felt at being woken up instantly fades as he regards her trembling form. He expected this. They all did. He had been prepared for the nightmares, the screaming, the tears. But up until this point, there hadn't been anything. Just complete silence from Ichigo's room every night. It seems that, like most problems, Ichigo is good at hiding them from other people. 

"C'mere, kid," he says, lifting the blanket. 

Ichigo hesitates for only a minute before scurrying to the bed and diving onto it, scooting over until she's as close to him as humanly possible. Chuckling lightly, he carefully pulls the blanket up and tucks it around her, then eases himself back down, throwing an arm over her and holding her close. 

"Better?" he asks.

"Mhmm," she hums, trying to snuggle even closer, if that's even possible. 

They lay there in silence until Ichigo's shaking finally subsides and she begins to relax, seemingly beginning to fall asleep. Shinji waits a few more moments, just to see if she's going to stir, before allowing himself to start drifting off again as well. And just as his eyes close, he hears it. 

"Shinji-nii?" Her voice is barely above a whisper. 

Suppressing a groan, he opens his eyes again. "Hm?"

"Am I bad person?"

Well, now he's really awake. 

"Why would ya think somethin' like that, Ichi?"

Ichigo doesn't answer at first, staring at nothing and tugging at a lose string in the blanket. But when she does, Shinji finds his vision suddenly clouded by red. 

"If I'm not a bad person, why does my dad hurt me?"

One calming breath, and then another. He can barely hear anything over Sakanade roaring in his mind. "I don't know, kiddo. I don't know..."

But what he does know, is that Isshin is a dead man in the morning. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm.....not as happy with this chapter :/ I don't know. 
> 
> A heavier focus on emotional processing and depression in this chapter than seeking revenge on Isshin, but I promise he'll get his comeuppance soon.

It had taken another hour or so to calm Ichigo down enough for her to fall into a restless sleep. Though she didn't wake again, Shinji could tell that the child's dreams were anything but peaceful, if the furrowed brows and mumbling that occurred every so often is anything to go by. He stays awake for the rest of the night, gently running his fingers through her messy locks and shushing her when it appeared her dreams were making her too upset. Even in her sleep her grip on his shirt hasn't lessened, her fingers clutching him so tightly like she is afraid he'll disappear if she lets go. 

Which is the only reason he hadn't immediately stalked over to her father's home to plunge his Zanpakuto in Shiba Isshin over and over until his corpse was an unrecognizable mess of flesh and blood as soon as he had found out. 

He had known Isshin was a piece of shit. A useless and absent father at best and a screaming, raging drunk at worst, but he had never expected..... _ this _ . 

Ichigo hadn't explicitly said what Isshin had done to her, but based on her behavior both last night and since she had moved in with them, they had a pretty damn good idea of what went on behind closed doors at the Kurosaki household.

He can't help but wonder how in the fuck he didn't notice it until recently. How any of them didn't see it until she finally moved in with them and they were in daily contact with her once more. 

The signs had been there all along, if they had bothered to look for them. But who wants to think about something like that happening to a kid that they practically raised? Who wants to think about someone  _ touching  _ their child? Especially when it's someone who the child should have been able to trust. Someone who was supposed to love and protect them, not hurt them in such a vile way. No one wants to imagine a father behaving in such a manner with his own daughter. 

But there had been signs. 

From the moment she had stepped into the warehouse it had been glaringly obvious that something was very wrong. Where she had once been loud and outgoing, she was skittish and reserved, not wanting to get closer to anyone than absolutely necessary. Where she had once been overly friendly with them, she had actively tried to keep them as far away as possible, to the point of becoming unreasonably hostile at times. 

No longer was she the tactile, affectionate child she had been when they met her at her birthday party all those years ago who clung to them like a baby koala. The only time she had willingly engaged in physical contact was during a sparring match, or when Hachi healed her from said sparring matches. Outside of that, whenever they so much as made a move in her direction she had flinched, immediately retreating as far away as possible. And when they did surprise her with a touch, well...

At least Kensei wasn't too upset about the broken jaw. How could he have been when Ichigo was nearly in  _ tears  _ after she realized what she had done and began apologizing profusely, arms hugging her torso tightly as her body trembled in what could only be extreme fear. 

It was as if she had expected to be punished for her actions, and any annoyance the white haired man had felt at the time died quickly as they watched her curl in on herself in an effort to protect herself. 

How could they have been so fucking stupid? The signs were there. Right fucking there and  _ they didn't put two and two together until now _ .

If they had realized earlier, if they had just asked why she was behaving so strange. If they had just  _ asked  _ if everything was okay or if she needed help. 

But thinking back to just how angry she had been, he's not sure asking would have worked. It most likely would have only driven her further away. God, she had been so fucking angry. During sparring matches her reiatsu screamed rage and blood lust. Sure she had always had a bit of a short fuse at times, he has vivid memories of her childhood tantrums and screaming matches to support this, but this....this anger had been different. She wanted to fight, wanted to hit, wanted to  _ hurt _ . All of that rage had come from somewhere and was so close to boiling over. She had been so close to exploding and he had been too afraid to ask.

Too afraid to chase her away when they had just got her back. 

_ But you still should have tried,  _ the nagging voice in the back of his mind says. 

He should have tried. 

He damn well should have tried the night they found her on the edge of the roof. Ichigo had been on the goddamn roof, ready to throw herself into an early existence in the Rukongai, and he still didn't ask  _ why _ . 

If Shinji had asked then maybe they could have gotten her out sooner. They could have stopped this. Because who knew how long it had been going on in the years they were gone? Any amount of time was too long, but they could have stopped it sooner. 

They could have pestered her, they could have followed her home. They could have insisted that Kisuke, who for all his meddling in her life didn't seem to notice that there was something  _ very wrong  _ happening, check in on Isshin and the children. 

Or you know,  _ he could have asked.  _

Shinji just couldn't understand. Couldn't fucking understand how Isshin could do this to  _ his own daughter.  _ His flesh and blood. How Isshin could hurt her in this way and still walk around boasting about how much he loved his "precious little girls" and would do anything to protect them? 

It's sickening. And Shinji will make him pay.

He will make sure Shiba Isshin pays dearly. 

They all will. 

When the others got confirmation that their worst fears regarding what happened to their kiddo during the years they had been absent they would see red, much like he did last night when Ichigo had crept into his room. There will be blood and nothing will get in their way. 

A sudden whimper snaps Shinji out of his thoughts and he looks down to see Ichigo stirring, giving him a bleary-eyed stare. It is only now that he realizes his anger-tinged reiatsu has rose to suffocating levels and is blanketing the room. 

"S-Shinji-nii? What's wrong?"

He curses. God he's such an idiot. 

"Hey, hey, it's alright, Ichi. Go back ta sleep. You're okay," he says softly. 

She stares at him with half lidded eyes for a moment longer before nodding. "Mkay..." She drifts back to sleep almost immediately and Shinji breathes a sigh of relief. 

He waits a little while longer, just to make sure she's really asleep this time, before carefully dislodging her from his side and sliding out of the bed. He adjusts the covers around her to make sure she's comfortable and then quietly makes his way out of the door. 

It's time to inform the others.

.

The pure, unbridled rage that was felt in the living area of their home would be enough to drop even some of the most seasoned Shinigami to their knees. Even Mashiro, ever the chipper member of their little ragtag group, had an expression of pure homicidal rage on her face. 

There was a loud slam as Kensei's fist came crashing down on the coffee table, splitting it in two. 

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT SON OF BITCH!"

His body trembled in anger as his killing intent fills the room. "I'm gonna fucking kill him."

"Calm down, Kensei!" Lisa snaps. Though she appears as composed as ever, her clenched fists and steely eyes betrays her true feelings on at the matter. 

"CALM DOWN! YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN THAT  _ BASTARD _ TOUCHED THE KID-"

"Screaming isn't going to solve anything. You're only going to succeed in scaring Ichigo. You know how she's been lately," Lisa scolds, leveling the white haired man with a glare. 

A stricken look appeared on his face at reminder of the child who is finally sleeping peacefully in the room down the hall and he immediately forced himself to calm down. There are few things that can curb the man's temper and loud personality, and Ichigo is one of them. She has always been sensitive to yelling, whether or not most people realize it, and the guilt is evident on his face. 

"We're going to kill him," Hiyori hisses, "I'm gonna kick him until his balls recede back inside of him." 

"You're gonna have ta get in line," Shinji says from his place on the couch.

"And who decided that  _ you  _ get first dibs, Baldy!?"

“Because,” he begins, fingers gripping Sakanade’s hilt tightly, “He touched  _ my kid." _

.

The only thing that saves Shiba Isshin this day is that the bastard is lucky enough to be away at some international medical conference.

None of them want to leave Ichigo for any extended period of time, so they wait. 

Urahara Kisuke, however, is right where he always is.

He may not have known the specifics about what was going on in he Kurosaki home, but he did factor into Ichigo growing up alone and suffering through a goddamn war that the Soul Society had no business conscripting a still human child to fight in. 

And they are going to make sure he knows exactly what role he has played in this mess. 

.

Shinji decides not to wake Ichigo for school....not that she has been going much lately anyway. But today they aren't going to pressure her to go like they usually do. After last night he doesn't have the heart to make the poor girl suffer through a day of school. Ichigo finally fell into a deep sleep around six in the morning after hours of restlessness, and if the bags under her eyes said anything, she really needs a day of rest. 

The house is eerily quiet, and only partially because they don't want to disturb the child sleeping down the hall. They're all still reeling from the information they had learned and were all processing it in their own way. 

Kensei and Hiyori are currently working off steam in the backyard, one of Hachi's barriers keeping the neighbors from hearing their yells of rage and the clashing of blades. Shinji can tell that they are barely restraining themselves from going all out, which would cause a huge problem. Unfortunately, Hachi is also distracted to the point of occasionally letting said barrier slip, lost in his own thoughts. Rarely did the gentle giant display the anger he had this morning and Shinji wonders what is going on inside his head. 

Mashiro is in Shinji's room curled up next to Ichigo who, upon sensing her presence, had woken up just enough to determine she was safe and immediately clung onto her like a koala before drifting back off. 

Rose had stormed off somewhere outside a while ago. The man had been attempting to play his guitar, but his fingers were unusually clumsy and he had practically slammed the instrument into the ground before making a quick exit. 

Lisa and Love are determinedly clicking away at their respective laptops, occasionally asking each other opinions on various books and online school programs that Ichigo might like. If Shinji has to guess, they are distracting themselves from the urge to go on a murder spree by doing what they do best; spoiling their favorite kid. Love, who is normally laid back and unbothered by most things, is barely containing his emotions, leg bouncing angrily and fingers banging on the keys of the laptop. Lisa is harder to read but he knows none of her anger has faded from earlier. She's just better at containing her emotions. 

Shinji hasn't been able to sit down. He's been pacing around the house, room to room, checking in on Ichigo every twenty minutes just to make sure she's safe. 

The guilt is eating away at him, consuming him.

He feels like a failure. 

He'll never be able to forgive himself for abandoning his kid like that. For leaving her with that monster. No, he'll never forgive himself. 

.

It's dinner time when Ichigo finally wanders out of Shinji's room, Mashiro close on her heels. She looks like hell.

Dressed in baggy sweatpants and a shirt that probably belonged to Kensei at some point as it was far to big for her (she was a bit of a clothing thief) , it's obvious just how thin she has become. The extended sleep has done nothing to ease the dark circles under her eyes and she still has that perpetually exhausted look they have come to associate with her lately. 

"Hey," she greets tiredly from the dining room doorway, offering them a halfhearted wave as she slowly made her way to her designed spot (the blue chair because it's her favorite color and God help you if you sit in it). 

As she sank into her chair she cast her gaze downward, staring at the tatami floors in lieu of making eye contact with any of the Visored. 

"How ya feelin', Ichi?" Shinji asks, slipping into the chair next to her.

She shrugs, body tensing, gaze still on the floor. "Fine."

There's a heavy silence as the adults in the room share a knowing glance, but they don't call her on her bullshit. She isn't fine. They know it, and she damn well knows it, but no good will come of challenging her on it. Not yet, anyway. 

"Kensei made your favorite for dinner," Hachi says gently, hoping to get a positive reaction out of her, but there was none. She merely nodded, hands gripping her pant legs tightly as she fidgeted in her seat. She made no move to touch the plate that was in front of her. 

"You should eat, kid," Love says, eyeing her worriedly. "You're gonna slip through a crack in the floor one of these days," he jokes. It's a poor attempt at trying to lighten the mood and it falls short. 

"I guess..." She reaches out and picks up her fork, only to move the food around on her plate with disinterest. 

Eventually they manage to coax her into taking a few bites and to drink some water, but nothing more. She slinks off to her room soon after mumbling about being tired, shutting and locking the door behind her. 

As the lock clicks, Rose voices the question that is on all of their minds. "What do we do?" 

Shinji lets out a frustrated growl and buries his face in his hands. 

Because fuck if he knows what to do about any of this, besides horrifically maiming and murdering the man who donated his sperm to create her. How do you help a child that is so very traumatized from this and everything else has happened in the dumpster fire that is her existence? 

He hasn't a clue, but they need to figure it out quickly before their baby drowns. 

.

"He said I look like my mom," Ichigo whispers to Hiyori who is currently perched on the end of her bed. "He said I remind him so much of her that sometimes it's like having her back." 

Hiyori makes a choked off sound and looks like she wants to vomit. 

She pauses before speaking again. "It's fine though. He doesn't think of my sisters that way, at least. That's all I care about. He's actually a good father to them. Its just me he doesn't like." 

Ichigo tugs on her hair anxiously, eyes welling up with tears. "I mean I deserve it right? I killed my mom. She's dead because of me-"

There's a loud slam as Hiyori puts her fist through he wall, growling angrily. "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL HIM."

"Hiyori!" Mashiro snaps, sounding sterner than she ever has. "You're scaring Berry-tan!" 

And it's true. At the sound of the shorter girl's fist connecting with the wall, Ichigo had nearly thrown herself off the bed in an effort to get away from the anger that was being displayed. Currently she was pressed up against Mashiro's side, staring at Hiyori with wide eyes. 

A guilty look flashes across the blonde's face and she storms out of the room, no doubt heading off to release some of the pent up aggression. 

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make her made. I really didn't," Ichigo says in a shaky voice. 

"None of that, now," Lisa says, rubbing her back gently. "It's not you she's upset with. It's not your fault. None of this is your fault, Ichigo." 

"Yes it is!" she exclaims, the tears finally falling down her face. "It's all my fault. It's always my fault!"

Through the crack in the door, Shinji watches as the two women try in vain to calm Ichigo down. Fists clenched, he turns and shunpos out of the house and in the direction of Urahara Shoten. 

.

The sky is dark when he bursts into the shoten, startling Tessai and the children who are in the process of closing up shop. 

"Hirako-san?" Tessai asks hesitantly, "is something the matter?" The large man can clearly sense that something is wrong. 

"Where's that damn shopkeeper?" Shinji demands, unable to keep the anger out of his voice. 

"Here, Shinji-san," said man greets, seemingly materializing out of nowhere. "I sensed you coming a mile away. Did something happen? You seem to be rather upset." 

" _Upset_ doesn' even begin ta cover it, Urahara. We're gonna have a talk, you and I."

"Oh?" Kisuke raises a brow, snapping his fan open to hide his startled expression. "This must be important. Come then, this way. We should move this conversation somewhere private," he says, glancing in the direction of Tessai and the kids.  "Hn," Shinji agrees, following Kisuke deeper into the shoten. He hopes the place they're going to talk in is truly private. Ururu and Jinta don't need to hear him ripping Kisuke a new one (and possibly committing homicide if the man had any inkling of what was happening with Ichigo and chose to do nothing). 

"Please take a seat, Shinji-san," Kisuke says, gesturing to the low table in the middle of the room. 

"I'll stand."

The smile never left the shopkeepers face, but Shinji can tell that the man is starting to sense that something is very _very_ wrong with this situation. 

"Of course. Now what is this all about?"

"Did ya know?" Shinji blurts out before he can stop himself. 

Kisuke blinks, a puzzled expression on his face. "You're going to have to be more specific, Shinji-san. What, exactly, should I know?" The man sounds genuinely confused and Shinji once again hopes that he in fact had no idea what was happening in the Kurosaki home because he _will_ kill him and bury his corpse next to Isshin's. 

"Did ya know what was goin' on in Isshin's house? Did ya know what that bastard was doin' ta her while we all just went about our lives after ya told us she was fine and we didn' need ta worry? Tha everythin' would be just fine? Well guess what, Kisuke? It wasn' fuckin' fine. We left her with a _monster._ "

Kisuke's expression is deceptively blank.  "What are you saying, Shinji-san?" the shopkeeper asks after a beat. 

"I'm sayin' that we all stayed away cause ya said she was safe. Ya said she would be alright and that Shiba would get some sensed knocked inta him. Ya said you would make sure everythin' was okay. And what a damn good job ya did of that since no one noticed the man was rapin' his own daughter! Did ya even check on her like ya said you would, Kisuke? Or did ya just trust that Shiba Isshin would get it together on his own? But I guess it never mattered what went on in that house as long as ya weapon was functional enough ta fight. Cause' that was always the most important thing, not her well-being. She's a fuckin' child!" 

Shinji's chest is heaving by the time he's finished yelling. He's one hundred percent certain that anyone within the vicinity had heard his rant, and quite frankly he doesn't care. It needed to be said. Kisuke needs to hear it. He needs to hear and understand exactly what he was a contributing factor in. 

"She doesn' eat, she barely sleeps, she doesn' go to school. She can't function 'cause she's traumatized from everythin' that has happened ta her. We left her in that house, we let her fight our battle for us, and now she's payin' the price."

If Shinji wasn't so angry, he would note the momentous occasion that is Kisuke being speechless. 

"We fucked up, Kisuke." 


	4. Kisuke Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Ichigo is slightly aged-down is the fic, 13 years old at the start of the series when she meets Rukia instead of 15.

_ Did ya know?' _

_ 'No one noticed the man was rapin' his own daughter!' _

_ 'Did ya even check on her like ya said ya would!?' _

_ 'SHE'S A CHILD-' _

A boulder is sliced to bits by a blast of screaming red energy, adding to the list of the many things that have been obliterated out of anger these past few hours. 

_ 'But I guess it never mattered what went on in that house as long as ya weapon was functional enough ta fight!' _

Another burst of energy, another pillar destroyed, another yell of rage just barely contained. Kisuke can't remember the last time he's been filled with this much anger. Anger at the world, anger at the unfairness of it all, anger directed at Isshin and everything that man has done, just all of it swirling and building inside of him to the point that he feels like his soul may explode. But the part of his anger that is eating away at him the most, is the anger directed towards himself.

There is anger at everything he has done, there is anger at everything he has not done, and anger at the fact that he, who has always considered himself one of the smartest (if not  _ the smartest _ ) person in the room has managed to miss something so important. 

More red, more destruction, ground shaking...

Kisuke can feel Benihime screaming for blood, an internal scream that mirrors his own feelings. What he wouldn't give to just get his hands on that idiot.

By the time he leaves the training grounds beneath his shop he's emotionally and mentally drained. Physically, he can still feel the rage thrumming in his veins and a deep, instinctual part of him wants to book a sudden "vacation" and go hunt the man down in whatever city he is currently residing in. The only things keeping him from briefly reliving his days in the Onmitsukido are the knowledge that he's not the only one who wants a go at him and that there are three children in the middle of this that are going to be affected by whatever he does. This isn't something they can just do willy-nilly. Some level of planning has to go into this. 

But the most important thing at this moment, even more important than drawing quartering a child rapist, is making sure that Ichigo is okay. Well, making sure that is okay as she can be right now. 

Not once during all of this has he explicitly focused on her well-being. 

Not once.

He can still remember the few times he met her as a tiny child. All big eyes and gap-tooth smiles, running around and causing havoc and "sneakily" stealing his hat. Where the Visored had immediately been dubbed onii-san or onee-san, he had been Kisuke-oji. At the time he couldn't understand why the small child had looked at him and decided that yes, he was clearly family material. But nonetheless, his insides had literally  _ melted  _ at the cuteness that was tiny Kurosaki Ichigo and he couldn't help but feel the slightest bit attached to her. 

He didn't see her very often after the first time they met, but the few times one of the Visored had stopped by his shop for a visit with the little girl in tow, she would always launch herself at him with a scream of Kisuke-oji or "Getaboushi". 

He may or may not have preferred Kisuke-oji. 

But that had all ended once Masaki was killed. 

Isshin had been adamant about them not bothering Ichigo anymore, particularly the Visored. At first, Kisuke had chalked it up to him being fearful that being around so many spiritual beings would cause Ichigo to become even more of a Hollow magnet. Which had been a logical assumption. His wife was killed by a hollow and he didn't want his daughter to follow suit. It had made perfect sense in his mind. 

But then Shinji had come barging into his shop yelling about how Isshin had attacked his daughter. 

Of course he had immediately followed him back to the Kurosaki household. 

There had been screaming and crying and they had barely avoided an all out bloodbath. If it hadn’t been for the three terrified little girls watching everything that was happening, Isshin might have died that day. 

_ Maybe he should have let it happen... _

And he  _ had  _ gone back and checked after that incident, despite what Shinji and the others may think. He had returned to see if things were improving or not. And what he had seen was a drunken, broken man mourning the loss of his wife. He had seemed so horrified by what had happened, so remorseful for what he had done to his daughter. Isshin had spent the entire visit begging for forgiveness from both him and Ichigo (who had been hiding behind Kisuke’s legs the entire time, holding his haori in a deathgrip). 

Isshin had seemed so genuine at the time.  _ So genuine.  _

Kisuke had believed him. He had believed that he would actually shape up because yes, the man had been foolish and over the top as long as he had known him, but never violent or abusive. Isshin had never shown signs of having such a dark side to his personality. 

So Kisuke had spent some time with the girls while Isshin got cleaned up, helped pick up the house that had become a mess, and left with a promise from the man that he would seek help for his grief. 

He didn’t ask anymore questions, didn’t take Ichigo aside and talk to her alone without her father standing there, didn’t dive any deeper into the situation than he had to. And knowing what he knows now, he’ll never forgive himself for not following his gut instinct to check in more. 

Before Kisuke left the Kurosaki home that day, it had taken quite a bit of time to convince Ichigo to stop clinging to him. 

_ ‘Please don’t go, Kisuke-oji,’  _ she had begged, lower lip trembling. 

He had smiled gently, kneeling down to her level and ruffling her hair. He assured her that her father was sorry and it wouldn’t happen again, that there was nothing to be scared of. He had promised her she would be okay. 

Ichigo just sniffed and shook her head like she didn’t believe him. 

As he walked away, she had stood in the door, staring sullenly after him until he had turned the corner. 

She had begged him not to go. 

_ ‘Please don’t go, Kisuke-oji.’  _

But he hadn’t listened. He hadn’t listened to a child that was clearly asking for help but didn’t have the words to properly vocalize what was happening. 

In hindsight, the signs were so clear. It was so glaringly obvious in the way that she had latched onto him like a lifeline the minute he stepped in the door, in the way she had hid behind him every time her father came into the room despite the man being on his best behavior and apologizing to her over and over. 

Ichigo had been terrified that day, but Kisuke had only allowed himself to see what he wanted to see. 

He can’t help but wonder what happened after he left. If….. _ that  _ had been going on even back then. 

He wants to vomit just thinking about it. 

She was only nine years old then....

He has failed her, in every sense of the word. Kisuke has done nothing but an innocent child at risk in order to fix the mess that he himself was the cause of. He left her with her abuser, he didn’t check on her enough, he let a  _ child  _ go off to war because it had been an easier path than trying to find another way to defeat Aizen in such a short amount of time. But it might have been possible….. _ if he had just tried.  _

He could have stopped the madness that was creating a child soldier when a small, thirteen-year old girl was lying in the street after being attacked by both a captain and lieutenant level Shinigami. 

But he had, instead, given her the tools to get into the Soul Society to save her friend. 

Ichigo had been lied to and manipulated for the entirety of her short life and Kisuke had played a major role in that. Ichigo is in this situation, in part, because of his own foolishness and negligence. 

She’s been abused and traumatized. She’s been abandoned by almost everyone. 

Thank God that Shinji and the others are better people than most. Without them in her life she would have drowned by now. And he would have stood by with everyone else and let it happen, not even knowing how bad things were for her. 

Because he has been a selfish man and for so long has only focused on getting his mess cleaned up by any means necessary. 

Because he had allowed himself to trust an abuser and let him isolate his victim even further. 

Kisuke has done many things in his centuries of existence, but this….this might be the worst of it. 

He’ll never forgive himself. 

.

When Yoruichi returns to the Shoten after visiting Kukaku, she finds Kisuke slumped against the wall of his workshop. He doesn’t make a move to greet her or acknowledge her presence at all. 

For a man who typically hides his emotions well, always appearing either happy or deceptively neutral, he’s not hiding them now.

He looks….devastated.

It takes some gentle coaxing, but Yoruichi finally gets the words out of him. 

“Isshin has been raping his daughter,” he says, absently turning one of his unfinished inventions over in his hand. “I left her with a monster all of these years. This on top of everything else I have done to her.”

Yoruichi doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t think that there is anything that she can say that Kisuke hasn’t already thought of. Words of comfort won’t make any of this better, for either party. 

So she says nothing, just places a reassuring hand on his shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. 

“We’ll figure this out, Kisuke.” 

“I hope you’re right, Yoruichi-san.”

.

_ ‘Mama says my name means “First Protector”, NOT strawberry,’ Ichigo pouts, the little girl’s annoyed expression somewhat obscured by the green and white striped hat she had run off with an hour ago and still refused to give it back. _

_ ‘Careful what ya say, Kisuke. The kid is touchy ‘bout her name,’ Shinji chuckles _

_ ‘First protector, huh?’ Kisuke says thoughtfully, an amused smile on his face.  _

_ ‘Uh huh! That’s what Mama says!’ _

_ ‘And who,’ he begins, looking up from where he had been scribbling equations in his notebook, ‘or what, do you want to protect?’ _

_ ‘Mama! And Yuzu, and Karin, and Shinji, and Hiyori, and Mashiro, and…’  _

_ Both men chuckle as Ichigo rattles off a very long list of individuals she has deemed worthy of protection, eyes bright and hands flapping excitedly.  _

_ He’s about to turn back to his notes when he is caught off guard by what the little girl says next.  _

_ ‘And you, Kisuke-oji! I gotta protect you!’ _

_ ‘Me?’ he asks in surprise, nearly dropping his pen. ‘You’re going to protect me?’ _

_ Ichigo puffs up, ‘Of course I am! You’re my Kisuke-oji. I’m gonna keep you safe!’  _

_ The expression on his face must be a hilarious one because Shinji begins cackling. Ichigo seems to think he’s laughing at her declaration of protection, however. Taking offense to his laughter, she tosses her juice box at his head, beaming him directly in the center of his forehead.  _

_ ‘No laughing!’ she glares. ‘I’m gonna protect everyone!’ _

But no one had been there to protect her until it was too late….

.

“Have you spoken to Ichigo yet, Kisuke?” Yoruichi asks him one night. 

He’s hunched over his work bench where he's been for hours, working on a project whose purpose he honestly doesn’t recall at this point. The notes no longer make sense, he can’t remember why he felt the urge to make it in the first place. 

Of course that could be due to alcohol dulling his senses and his mind. 

“I have not, no.” He only slightly stumbles over his words,  so Kisuke calls it a win. 

Yoruichi crosses her arms, giving him a frown of disapproval. “So you’re just going to hole up in your workshop for the next who knows how long?”

He doesn’t reply. Yoruichi’s look grows darker. 

“Here’s the thing, Kisuke. We all fucked up, big time. Some of us more than others, but hiding away here isn’t going to change anything. You need to stop wallowing in your own guilt, get up, and do something about it. If you feel so bad about it, figure out how to make it right.” 

When her lecturing still doesn’t elicit a response from the man, Yoruichi tsks and kicks off from the wall where she had been leaning, beginning to walk back towards the hallway. She pauses in the doorway, glancing back over her shoulder. 

“And Kisuke?” she begins, her tone leaving no room for him to ignore her this time. 

Kisuke turns to look at her. “Yes, Yoruichi-san?”

“Sober up before you go over to see her. Ichigo’s already dealt with one drunk, she doesn’t need another.” 

The door slams shut behind and Kisuke winces as her angry steps disappear down the hall. He runs a hand over his face, sighing. Yoruichi is right, as usual. She's never been one to pull her punches when it comes to his stupidity and terrible habits. Which is one of the many things he appreciate about his longtime friend. She is one of the few people who will never let him get away with his bullshit. Especially when it comes to important matters like this. He needs to get it together. He needs to go over there and apologize to the child he had a hand in traumatizing to the point of non-function. Even though Ichigo is under no obligation to accept or even listen to his apologizes.

He won’t blame Ichigo if she turns him away immediately and refuses to hear his apologies. Kisuke won’t blame her at all. She’s fully within her right to hate him. 

But he at least wants to try. He owes her this. He owes her his acknowledgement of the part he played in her misfortune. Because he knows damn well the Soul Society will never apologize for throwing her to the wolves. They won’t take responsibility for anything, they never do. A human child is expendable in their eyes, as long as they retain their positions of power. 

Kisuke also owes her the promise that Isshin will never hurt her again. A real promise this time. He failed once, and he is not going to fail again. Isshin will be put into hole and then that hole will be thrown away. That man will suffer, that man will pay. Ichigo and her sisters will be taken care of. 

He owes her this. 

But still, he has no expectation of Ichigo accepting any of his words or promises. It would be wrong of him to think that a simple conversation will undo the years of hurt and pain and trauma. 

He sighs again, turning to look at the empty bottles next to him. 

And he owes it to her to be completely sober. 

.

He stands outside of the Visored's home for an embarrassingly long time. To the point where the front door slams open and Kensei stalks out on the porch, giving him an annoyed glare. 

"Well? You comin' in or not! Stop haunting our goddamn yard, you're making the neighbors nervous!" 

_ "Is that baldy still just standin' there like an idiot!?" _ he hears Hiyori yell from inside the house. 

Well, he supposes that's his cue to go inside. 


	5. Ichigo Interlude: 5 Times

Ichigo doesn't like to talk about it. Everyone keeps telling her that she needs to talk about it, but that is the absolute last thing she wants to do. Because, well, who wants to talk about having sex with their dad?

Wait,  _ not sex.  _

Shinji and the others have been very adamant about the fact that what happened was  _ not sex  _ and that  _ none of this is her fault  _ and that she  _ was absolutely unable to consent in any situation no matter the circumstances or what she said or did.  _ They keep trying to drive these points home every time they manage to convince her to say a few words about her home and she implies that she had an active role in what happened. Which she  _ did.  _

It was easier to just go along with it sometimes. Easier to pretend that she was somewhere else or that she enjoyed it, even. It was so much easier than fighting him. She almost became used to it. Isshin was always so much nicer to her and her sisters afterward. The house was peaceful as long as she kept him happy. So Ichigo sucked it up and dealt with it a few nights a week, or an a particularly stressful day or work for him, or any time really. Whatever it took to keep him pleasant and available as a father for her sisters. Her happiness didn't matter, and she learned to accept that. 

Which apparently was her just trying to cope with a situation she couldn't change and make the best out of it. 

Or something like that. Ichigo had tuned out of the conversation with Lisa and Hachi at that point, wanting nothing more than to put on her shoes and go for a run. Run to literally anywhere but their house. 

A part of her brain regrets moving in with them. She knows, logically, that this is probably the best choice she could have made. And she also knows that they will never allow her to return home after finding out what went on inside those walls. But she finds herself wondering more and more if she should have just continued ignoring them the way everyone else had been ignoring her. She could have dealt with it for a few more years. She could have waited and then just noped out of the house as soon as she came of age and never looked back. 

She didn't have to leave her sisters there while she stays here. 

Oh god, her sisters....

Everyone has assured her that her sisters are fine. Yuzu and Karin aren't even at the house right now. They're staying with friends because Isshin is off at some international conference, which is fine with her. He can stay there for all she cares. But he has to come back at some point, doesn't he? He has to come back because he is still Yuzu and Karin's legal guardian. And as far as Ichigo knows, he's never done anything to them. 

Ichigo has never seen signs, or heard anything, or had them say anything to her about weird behavior.

_ Probably because neither one of them look like mom the way she does... _

Isshin treats them differently. He talks about them differently, looks at them differently, cares about them in different ways. Everything is just  _ different.  _

What did she do to get this level of different?

_ What did she do to make him want to- _

Wait, she's not supposed to think like that, is she? Everyone keeps telling her to not think like that. 

_ How is she not supposed to think like that? _

Is she just supposed to wake up and suddenly realize "oh none of this is her fault! It's fine!" and snap out of it? Why can't they just leave her alone about the whole thing? She's told them enough, they don't need more information. What they need to do is shut the fuck up and leave-

_ CRACK. _

Ichigo jumps, suddenly becoming aware of her surroundings. She's standing. She doesn't remember standing.....Her hand hurts and she looks to see that she has crushed a glass in her hand. The blood drips down around the shards, landing on the pieces of the glass and the table it once rested on. 

Oh....she guesses she broke it. She didn't even realize she had been holding something, or that she was sitting in the kitchen. The last thing she remembers is being in her room and now she's here and-

"Berry-tan?" a soft voice asks from behind her. "Are you okay?"

"I...."

Is she okay? She doesn't know. She thinks she's fine. She's supposed to be fine. Ichigo is always fine. 

She is

She is....

.

The first time she almost told someone was when she was nine. 

It hadn't gone too far then, but enough for her to know it was  _ wrong wrong wrong.  _

Kisuke had come over the next day to check on them. Goofy, Uncle Kisuke from the shop she would visit sometimes and who helped her with her math homework and snuck her candy when her mom wasn't looking. She had wanted to tell him, but she couldn't get the words out of her mouth no matter how hard she tried. It hadn't helped that her dad kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. 

Ichigo knew what that meant. 

_ Stay quiet and don't say a fucking word.  _

So she stayed quiet that whole day, clinging to Kisuke like he was a life line and feeling some semblance of safety. 

When it was time for him to leave, she begged him not to go. Ichigo had pleaded for him to stay. The man had been confused with her behavior and tried to ask her what was wrong. And for the second time that day she considered telling him, now that her dad had passed out on the couch and couldn't hear her. But what if Kisuke-oji didn't believe her? He was friends with her dad. He might think Ichigo is lying and tell her to stop being silly. 

So she didn't say the words. Couldn't say words. She just kept begging him not to leave. 

It didn't matter. He left anyway. 

The second she almost told someone was in middle school after she met Chad. Chad who was quiet, supportive, and understanding. Chad who could clearly sense that someone was wrong from the first time she had introduced him to Isshin. Most people can't read her rather stoic friend, but Ichigo knows him as well as she knows herself. She saw the displeased look on his face and how he had refused to shake her father's hand. 

Ichigo doesn't think he truly knew what was happening then, or knows about it now. But he clearly knew something was off. 

They really did know each other as well as they know themselves. 

On the way home from school one day, he asked her point blank in that familiar flat tone. 

"Ichigo. What's up with your Dad?"

"Nothing," she had replied quickly. Too quickly, and she knew it.

"Hm..."

It was silent for a moment. 

"You'd tell me if there was something, yeah?"

That time she had hesitated. "Yeah."

He hummed again and looked at her for a long moment, clearly not having believed her. "Alright."

Chad wouldn't push. Not unless he believed it was necessary to keep her alive. And technically, TECHNICALLY, she most likely wasn't in any danger of dying. So he respected her space and her privacy. It didn't stop him from glaring suspiciously every time he saw Isshin, or from asking her if she was okay more than usual. But he didn't push. Ichigo sometimes wonders what would have happened if he had pushed. 

Maybe she would have said something if he had pushed her a little. 

But it's not Chad's fault. Never Chad's fault.

.

"Berry-tan?" a voice asks, louder this time. 

Ichigo is once again startled out of her thoughts and nearly knocks the table over in surprise. 

Mashiro is still standing behind her, arm outstretched like she had been about to place a hand on Ichigo's shoulder. It's probably for the best that she didn't. Ichigo hasn't been reacting well to touch lately. Not that anyone seemed to be upset with her about it. Shaking her head, she forces a tiny a smile on her face. 

"Y-Yeah, Mashiro. I'm fine."

The green-haired girl cocks her head and gazes at her with a carefully neutral expression. "Are you sure? Your hand is bleeding."

Ichigo again becomes aware of the sharp, stinging pains in her right hand. Looking down she sees blood slowly dripping to the floor. Shards of glass stick out of her pale skin, the area around them turning an angry red. 

"Oh.."

She should probably take care of this. 

"I'm going to get Hachi!" Mashiro announces cheerfully as she bounces out of the room to find the large man.

.

The third time someone almost found out was when Rukia was living in her closet. It's hard to keep a secret with someone living in your closet...

Ichigo had gotten used to her father stumbling into her room at night. She had never shared a room before so there was no chance of anyone being there to see what was happening. But that changed after she became a shinigami. Rukia had insisted on staying with her and there was no other place to hide her besides her closet. Needless to say there were quite a few close calls. 

One such instance happened during a night when Rukia was still plagued by extreme exhaustion shortly after losing her powers and had trouble staying awake. 

Ichigo had kept her eyes on the closet, hoping Rukia wouldn't wake up while her father was there. Or maybe she had been hoping she WOULD wake up and catch him. She's not sure what she had truly wanted in that moment, but she felt her heart stop when she heard rustling in the closet. Isshin hadn't seemed to notice as he was too....preoccupied. In the end, Rukia hadn't awoken until Isshin was slipping out of the room, closing the door with a soft click.

"Ichigo?" Rukia's tired voice came from the closet.

Ichigo swallowed. "I-It's okay, Rukia. Go back to sleep. Sorry I made noise."

She didn't sleep for the rest of that night; just laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling with a hand over her mouth to muffle the soft sobs.

There were more close calls, and once again Ichigo had been torn between being horrified that someone may find out and desperately wanting someone to walk in and see what was happening. To stop it. 

But what could Rukia have done?

She was a shinigami. A shinigami who wouldn't even be staying in this world permanently. At the time she had fully believed Rukia would be leaving her and returning to the Soul Society. Rukia had no authority here; at least not over living beings. There would be nothing she could do. Besides, Ichigo hadn't wanted to put that on Rukia and make the other girl feel guilty for leaving her there. She hadn't known Rukia long at the time, but she had picked up on her tendency to feel guilty about things that weren't her fault. 

Ichigo couldn't do that to her. 

So she kept quiet.

The fourth time was after she had saved Rukia from execution and was recovering in the Soul Society. 

After being discharged from the 4th Division with a gentle yet surprisingly threatening order to take it easy during the rest of her time there, she had wandered to the 11th Division to visit her new....friends? Acquaintances? Fellow fight lovers?

Whatever they were, she felt strangely comfortable with them. Which was odd given the fact that they were all rather aggressive men and with the exception of a very select few men in her life, Ichigo tended (and still does) to avoid them like the plague. But for some reason, she hadn't gotten the same danger vibes from Kenpachi, Ikkaku, and Yumichika that she gets from the male population. 

In particular she had developed a strange attachment to Yumichika. Which is how she ended up sitting contentedly in front of the feminine man as he hummed softly and braided her hair while Ikkaku and Kenpachi screamed and fought in the background. 

"I imagine you're excited to finally be going home."

"Ehh..."

"What's that? You like us better than your parents?," he teased, "I was under the impression that children-"

"I don't want to talk about it!" she snapped. 

Yumichika had paused then, seemingly startled by her outburst. There was a tense silence before he went back to his braiding. It stayed that way for a while longer and Ichigo had been preparing to open her mouth and apologize for yelling when the man had finally spoken again. 

"Not a fan of home?"

"I....no."

"Fighting?"

"Um, not...really?"

"Let me guess. You parents don't get along and you don't want to be there?"

"My...my mom's dead. It's just my Dad and my sisters. And we don't really fight, he's just..." _A pedophile. A rapist. A horrible excuse for a human being._ "I don't like being home with him. He's annoying."

"I'm sorry. That must be difficult." The way he said it suggested he hadn't bought a single thing she said. And more annoying, he had started taking on that soft tone he used with Yachiru, the little fukutaichou who was simultaneously older and younger than her. A fact that made her brain hurt. 

"Why is your father....'annoying'," Yumichika pressed.

Ichigo grimaced. "I said I don't want to talk about it."

"Hmm." 

Yumichika didn't bring it up the rest of the time she was in the Soul Society, but she didn't miss the odd glances he kept shooting her. Nor did she miss the way that Kenpachi and Ikkaku were nicer to her (in their own manly, gruff way). She thinks Yumichika might have said something. She doesn't know what, but she bets he did. Her suspicious were confirmed right before she had left for Karakura. 

Kenpachi had placed his large hand on the top of her head and given her hair a harsh a ruffle. 

"You let us know if you need anythin', kay kid?"

"Uhh...sure?" she said as she stepped away from him and tried to fix her hair. "I'll do that, I guess." 

And she could have done that. Ichigo had honestly thought about it. The 11th Division would have killed Isshin, most likely. The laws of the Soul Society be damned, they would have carried out the murder of a human in the world of the living without a second thought given the right reasons. 

But she still stayed silent.... 

.

The pain in her hand began to fade as the warmth Hachi's kidou moved over her damaged skin. The glass shards had been removed and her blood had been quickly wiped up by Mashiro, who had followed Hachi back into the kitchen. The large man had just smiled that patient smile of his when he saw her standing in the middle of the kitchen with a bloody hand. For some reason that smile made Ichigo equal parts angry and equal parts ready to cry. 

Why are they always so nice to her? Why? What's the fucking catch here..

"You should be more careful, Ichigo-chan," Hachi says as he draws back. Her hand looks good as new. 

"I'll try."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he presses. 

She shrugs, not meeting his eyes. "Just lost in thought, I guess." 

Hachi sighs. "You've been doing that quite a bit lately. Perhaps next time you decide to wander off, try not to be holding a glass."

"Yeah. Got it. No glass." 

Hachi sighs again, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You look exhausted. Why don't you go get some rest?"

Ichigo can't remember the last time she had a genuinely restful night.

.

The fifth time she almost told someone that her father is a piece of shit was just after Aizen had been defeated. 

She was recovering in the 4th Division, a place that was starting to feel far too familiar, when Rangiku and Toshiro had stopped by for a visit. Ichigo hadn't been expecting them, but it wasn't an unwelcome visit either. They had spent some time getting to know each other over the past few months and they were, dare she say it, friendly. 

They had become even more interested in her after realizing she was the daughter of their previous captain. 

"Man, I still can't believe you're Shiba-taichou's kid!" Rangiku exclaimed from her place next to the bed. "You two are nothing alike! I mean he's so, well, Him! And you're so you!" 

"What she's trying to say is that you aren't a screaming buffoon like Shiba-taichou is."

"Taichou! Don't be so rude. Sure he was kind of a weird man when he was captain, but he's a good man!"

Ichigo snorted, unable to help herself. "Yeah, such a good man. That's all I've been hearing. If he's such a "good man", why don't you all take him back?"

The room had fallen silent after that, with Toshiro and Rangiku giving her looks both of concern and confusion. Ichigo didn't understand why she had blurted that out. She was always extremely careful with how she talked about her father in front of other people. Particularly in front of the shinigami who were familiar with him. She blamed it on the pain medicine coursing through her veins making her slightly loopy and chipping away at her filter. 

"I mean, for real. I won't stop ya! You have vacancies for captains, right? Take him, free of charge!" 

Toshiro was the one to finally respond. "You and Shiba-taichou don't get along, I take it?"

"No, not really." 

"But why not?", Rangiku cut in. "He seems like a such a good father. I saw him with your sisters and-"

"Why don't you stop talking about things you know nothing about, Rangiku!" she had snapped. Even she had been surprised by the harshness and anger in her voice. "I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I should't have.."

"It's quite alright, Ichigo," the short captain said as he gave her a searching look, "you're still recovering. We all get short tempered when we're healing."

Rangiku waved her dismissively. "Yeah, it's no big deal! Apology accepted. Let's change the subject, yeah?"

For the rest of the visit they kept the conversation light, carefully avoiding anything to do with her family or home life. She didn't miss the glances they shared with each other when they thought she wasn't looking. They didn't miss the worried look that appeared on both their faces when she had suggested that Isshin Shiba was anything but a good man. 

_ Yeah your precious Shiba-taichou is a rapist! And no one fucking cares, apparently! _ She could have screamed. She could have told them right then and there. 

But they didn't ask. She didn't tell. And life at the Kurosaki household went on as normal. 


End file.
